Golconde and Life in the Ashram

2003

I sit in my spotless Golconde room as a cooling breeze moves through the heat of day. A few clusters of 'Joy in Fairyland' (Kleinhovia hospita) borne atop the vibrant heart-shaped leaves come into view through the shutters and my spirit after long grief is at rest in this sacred atmosphere.

Golconde is a sanctuary for the soul. Voices are subdued, greetings muted but no less deep, and the spirit of cleanliness and order and the respect for material things is evident everywhere.

So many kindnesses are bestowed by friends and true brothers and sisters, children of the Mother. My room is filled with fragrant flowers and their colours brighten an already brilliant day.

Again and again I pray for surrender, not from some deep inner domain where the soul is given to Them, for there the consecration is constant, but in the vital and physical and this outer mind so preoccupied with external things even though the call within continues unabated.

It is a surrender of the total being that must be sought and I seek it in joyous gratitude for the infinite blessings of my life, my meetings with Sri Aurobindo in the subtle physical, the touch of Mother's hand upon my head, Her smile that all our mental clouds could not withstand, dissolving into peace.

Although Mother and Sri Aurobindo have worked on and are still working on every part of the vital, there remains so much to be purified. For the universal menace is always prepared to enter subtly and halt, for a time, the progress. A deeper peace also needs to be achieved and the stress of daily life overcome as well as the sense of one's incapacity experienced at each fall and even in the most inconsequential things. I feel the peace coming down almost drop by drop as it works to wash away the anguish of the past and, even in the darkest moments, I feel the inner being calling Them consciously and with a quiet steadiness.

It is a long road and a difficult journey fraught with dangers seen and unseen from past births and present, but one must go through if one has been chosen, despite all the difficulties of the nature and know that one is surrounded by grace and the divine protection and all experience moves us closer to Their Feet.

Those who have made incommensurable progress on the path are there to help us. I have known their compassion as I know their love.

Sri Aurobindo is my refuge.

As the darkness lifts we see that is was but another shade of light.

Narad